


This Is Living

by litakelly



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Crushes, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I think it’s fluff, M/M, Mostly Fluff, Pre-Slash, how do I fluff again?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-11
Updated: 2018-10-11
Packaged: 2019-07-29 08:53:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16260839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/litakelly/pseuds/litakelly
Summary: Daryl has been getting by for years simply concerned with keeping his family alive and safe. For the first time since he can remember, someone is reminding him what it feels like to truly be alive.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is WIP that just kind of... happened. Hope you enjoy, let me know what you think in the comments :3

It had been a few months since the war had needed with Negan and the Saviors and life was just getting back to some version of normal. Daryl was back at Alexandria and Jesus had been hanging around more than usual. The scout had been their primary contact for trade but he also just seemed to like spending time in Alexandria more than Hilltop. Every so often Daryl would go on runs with him and they always worked out well. Often after a successful run Daryl would invite Jesus or whoever he’d gone with to sit on the porch with him and drink whatever cheap liquor he’d scavenged lately.

It was one such evening that found him sitting on the porch with Jesus, sipping his latest find, a few jars of moonshine and shooting the shit. Jesus had wrinkled his nose at the grain alcohol making Daryl snort with laughter and he couldn’t help but be reminded of Beth. He didn’t know quite how long it had been since she’d died, but it felt like a lifetime ago that he last saw her. He knew Maggie had mentioned her sister to Jesus before, and liquor alwaysloosened his tongue so he told him about the time they’d drank moonshine and burned down the old shack in the woods.

“Thing is... she said somethin’ to me, somethin’ that jus’, dunno, shook me, still does... she said, “yer gonna miss me so bad when I’m gone, Daryl Dixon,” he looked faraway and lost.

He looked at his hands then, letting his dirty bangs cover his eyes, “‘n I do, more’n I ever thought I would.” He was quiet, then took another sip of his moonshine, “dunno how she knew, ‘s like she knew she’d be gone soon... guess she always was too good fer this broken world.”

Jesus studied him, his brows furrowed together with concern and understanding. He had that way of making you feel heard and understood, like he could really see you when nobody else could. It was a little unnerving. But it was also the only thing that could get Daryl to open up to someone he barely knew.

“She knew,” the other man whispered, his voice cracked a little and he cleared it. “She knew how you felt,” he said more clearly. “She knew you loved her,” his eyes softened as Daryl looked back hopefully. “I think that’s all that really matters anymore these days, that we appreciate what we have and let the people we love know how much they mean to us.”

“What if...” Daryl trailed off, fidgeting nervously, “I ain’t no good at feelin’s, tellin’ people shit goin’ on... in my head.”

Jesus looked sympathetic, “it’s hard for everyone, feeling makes you vulnerable,” he dipped his head to meet Daryl’s eyes, “but it’s worth it. It is. It’s how you know you’re still alive... how you know you’re still living.” 

“Two diff’rent things...” Daryl muttered.

 Jesus smiled warmly, “very true. I’ve always thought so at least.”

Daryl looked a little uncomfortable but gave a small smile back in return.

“S’all I was fer a long time, just alive. Just fightin’ ta keep breathin’... thought that’s all there was left,” he glanced at Jesus who gave him a little side smile.

“And now?”

“...dunno, guess I’m not so sure anymore.” He studied Jesus’ face as if it somehow might hold the answer if he was patient enough to wait for it.

“Well. I guess we’ll just have to work on that then,” Jesus smacked the tops of his thighs with his hands before standing up and shaking off the fog that had settled over his mind.

“Whaddya mean?” Daryl eyed him suspiciously but remained sitting on the steps.

Jesus glanced back at him before his face seemed to light up with an idea. “Tomorrow. Let’s go hunting, or rather, fishing...There’s I spot I found in an guide book for Virginia and I wanna check it out.”

 “...Kay,” Daryl still seemed uncertain but wasn’t about to pass up a new lead. Then he looked up at Jesus, “why ya want me ta go with ya?”

“Well, you’re quite the outdoorsman, I imagine you can teach me to fish. Although admittedly we don’t have any poles... spear fishing is a thing, right?” 

Daryl scoffed, “uh yea, but ‘s not something I do, don’t matter though, forest is full of sticks that’ll do just fine. ‘Sides, think I can rustle up some fishin’ line outta what we got here.”

Jesus looked thoroughly impressed, “see, knew I picked the right man for the job.”

“Though we should prob’ly leave early if we’re gonna get anything good. Can take a long time, ‘specially if ye’ve never done it before.”

“Seven early enough?” 

“Depends, how long’ll it take to get to this mystery place?”

Jesus considered it for a moment, “shouldn’t take us more than a couple hours to get there on foot, be ready to hike though.” 

Daryl rolled his eyes, “figures.”

“What?”

“Hippie ninja like you, takes ‘hikes’, ‘s just walking. Prob’ly love picnics too.”

 “Ooh that’s a great idea! I’ll see what I can scrounge up in the pantry tonight.” Jesus smiled, adding extra enthusiasm to it just to see Daryl even more exasperated.

Daryl grunted in annoyance and pulled out his cigarettes to light one up.

“Alright well I’ll leave you to it, see you in the morning.”

“Be at the front gates at seven sharp, don’t make me wait fer yer ass or I’ll leave without ya,” Daryl reminded him.

“As if I’d ever keep a date waiting,” Jesus winked and headed off.

“Ain’t no date,” Daryl grumbled after him scowling.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning Daryl grabbed his bow and pack before heading out the door just as the sun was starting to rise.

When he reached the gates he found Jesus there already waiting for him and grinning like an idiot. He had on a loose button up and his usual cargo pants and boots, but the trench coat, gloves and beanie were all missing. His hair was tied up in a neat bun and he had a backpack slung over his shoulder.

Daryl grunted a hello as he approached and Jesus chuckled.

“Well good morning to you too, ready to head out?”

“Course. Ain’t ya bringing any weapons or are ya keepin’ it strictly flips and kicks t’day?”

Jesus smirked at him, “I’ve got my knives, but don’t be fooled I could easily defend myself with ‘flips and kicks’ alone.” 

Daryl rolled his eyes, “sure. Alright let’s get this over with,” he began to open the gate and heard someone chuckling above him. He glanced up to catch Aaron stifling a laugh as Jesus looked back at him innocently.

“Wha?” Daryl demanded in annoyance.

“Nothing!” Aaron coughed and looked determinedly back out over the wall, “have a nice day—te,” he murmured the last part to myself trying to contain his suppressed laughter. 

Jesus bit back a smile and pretended to scowl at Aaron. “Don’t mind him, he and Tara are worse than a couple of gossipy hens.” 

Daryl looked even more confused but chose to ignore the entire exchange and began trudging out without a backward glance.

He heard Jesus say something quietly back to Aaron who chuckled again and nodded before closing the gate behind them.

Jesus jogged to catch up to him and pulled out a compass from one of his many pockets before directing him into the woods on their right.

They traveled in a comfortable silence for about an hour, only running into a few walkers who Daryl took out quickly with his crossbow before Jesus could even reach for his knife. Each time the younger man would scowl at him as he belatedly returned his knife to its holster and Daryl would smirk proudly to himself.

 

They soon reached a more mountainous area which was thankfully too steep for any walkers to climb or stumble around on.

Daryl couldn’t help but notice it was the first time he’d ever seen the other man really sweat. There was a fine sheen over his whole face and his shirt was clinging to his chest. Jesus noticed him looking and he quickly looked away. Jesus smiled and eyed Daryl appreciatively.

“Stop that,” Daryl muttered to Jesus.

“Stop what? I didn’t do anything,” Jesus smiled at him innocently.

“Lookin’ at me like that,” Jesus opened his mouth to reply but Daryl cut him off, “and don’t say, ‘like what?’ You know exactly what. I ain’t no circus freak so jus’ leave me alone.”

Daryl scowled and walked a little faster shrugging his bow and pack higher onto his back.

Jesus was quiet for a minute but caught up to him easily.

“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable,” he said kindly, afraid of spooking him, “but that’s not why I was looking at you, just you know, so you know,” he added quietly.

They continued on in silence for another half hour both thinking about the other but pretending not to be.

 

Jesus stopped for a few minutes and checked a map from inside his pack and compared it with the coordinates on his compass.

“Almost there?”

“Just about,” he smiled and returned the items to his pack. As they got closer Daryl kept his eye out for good branches, picking some up and bending or snapping them. Eventually he settled on two and brought them along.

Soon Daryl began to hear running water, but it didn’t sound like a river or creek, it sounded... different, but he wasn’t sure how.

Soon Jesus began to beam, “I was hoping it would be full, I wasn’t sure we’d had enough rainfall lately.”

Daryl looked confused but as they climbed over a few larger rocks he finally saw it.

It was a waterfall.

There was in fact a river running down from the large pool below the fall, but that rushing water sound was different than anything he’d ever heard before. He stared at it in complete awe.

 

“Beautiful isn’t it? It’s not the biggest waterfall but it’s been years since I’ve seen one.” Jesus smiled at him, despite looking admiringly at the waterfall he kept glancing back at Daryl.

“Is it... the biggest one you’ve seen?” Jesus looked at him curiously.

Daryl shook his head dumbly, “never, never seen one.”

Jesus looked awestruck, “that can’t be true... never?”

Daryl’s brow drew together and he looked half embarrassed and half defensive. 

”Not ev’rybody travelled the world before it went ta shit,” he looked down and then shrugged his pack and continued climbing down towards the rocks nearest the water.

Jesus immediately felt guilty and followed Daryl down.

“Look, Daryl... I’m sorry... I didn’t mean—“

“Forget it. Don’t matter.” Daryl bit back gruffly.

“It does. I didn’t mean to be a jerk, I just, I didn’t know and I was surprised is all.”

“What surprised that I’m such a dirty redneck whose never been nowhere and seen nothin’?”

“No! Daryl, really, I had no idea this would upset you,” Jesus pleaded with him desperately.

“Not upset! Just tellin’ it how it is!” Daryl huffed. He didn’t know why he was so upset all of a sudden, and now he didn’t know how to calm down.

“Daryl, please, I really, really didn’t mean anything by it. I’m an idiot. Sometimes my mouth gets ahead of my brain, please, please don’t hate me.” Jesus looked completely miserable.

Daryl froze for a moment, he felt like redneck trash but he certainly didn’t blame Jesus for it, let alone hate him.

“It’s... ‘s not yer fault. I’m just... sorry... Rick says I’m sometimes quicker ta fight than talk...”

Jesus’ face softened, “really Daryl, it’s alright. It’s obviously a... well a topic you’re not comfortable with. I didn’t realize but now I know.”

Jesus smiled at Daryl with such understanding and warmth that Daryl could help but be immediately placated. He didn’t understand how he could do that with just a look, he figured that must be why they called him ‘Jesus’ in the first place. He just had a calming manner.

Jesus sighed, exhaling all of his tension and worry over the sudden conflict out and allowing his shoulders to relax.

“So, as your first waterfall, how does it measure up? You like it?” He looked hopeful and glanced expectantly at Daryl.

Daryl allowed Jesus’ sense of ease to calm him as well.

“Yea, it’s... amazin’,” he said reverently looking back at the water cascading over the small cliff. It couldn’t have been more than 20 or 30 feet but it was more than he’d ever seen in person.

“I’m glad you like it, I thought you would.” He looked a bit sheepish for a moment and cleared his throat, “cards on the table, I don’t actually know if there are any fish here. I just, really wanted to bring you here.”

He looked nervous, afraid Daryl might be angry with him. For a moment Daryl wanted to be, they needed to be out scavenging for the community, but it was such a nice gesture, just to want Daryl to see this, that he didn’t have the heart to yell at him.

“Shouldn’t of lied bout it,” he muttered.

“Would you have come otherwise?”

Daryl didn’t know how to answer so he just shrugged.

Jesus smiled shyly, “c’mon,” and began unbutton his shirt.

“What’re ya doin’?”

“What does it look like?” Jesus smiled brightly as he settled his pack on a rock and laid his shirt over the top and began taking off his boots.

Daryl stared at him dumbly, unsure what to do. Jesus rolled his eyes, “c’mon, I definitely wouldn’t want to walk back in wet clothes and you’re going in that water one way or the other, Dixon.”

He was bare foot now and about to start on his pants but stopped when he saw Daryl frozen and staring at him.

He walked over the rocks carefully and stopped in front of him. He raised his hands to open the buttons on Darryl’s shirt but stopped just before making contact.

“May I?” He asked quietly.

Daryl nodded minutely, refusing to make eye contact. Jesus began undoing the buttons on his shirt and Daryl just focused on continuing to breathe. When he finished he nodded down at Daryl’s feet.

“Shoes.”

Daryl just nodded, so Jesus knelt down to undo them and Daryl held his breath afraid to move. They were now both down to pant alone and Jesus stepped back hesitantly.

“Okay, I’d take off the jeans if I were you, but I’m not gonna push.”

With that Jesus undid his own cargo pants and walked over to the edge of the rock which sat about 5 feet above the pool of water below.

He tossed the pants onto a nearby rock then pulled the hair tie from his bun and shook out his hair. He glanced back at Daryl quickly, giving him a shy smile, then jumped off the rock into the water below.

 

For some reason Daryl’s heart constricted with fear for a brief moment, then he relaxed as Jesus surfaced from the water.

He was panting and almost laughing, looking for all the world like the apocalypse never happened and like this were just another delightful afternoon in the woods. He met Daryl’s eye and beamed at him.

“C’mon Dixon! Don’t tell me you’re afraid of a little water,” he grinned, he was clearly baiting him.

Daryl clenched his jaw, “ain’t ‘fraid of nothin’” he muttered.

“Prove it,” Jesus’ eyes were shining with amusement.

Daryl considered being the bigger person, not allowing himself to be goaded, but at the end of the day, it just wasn’t him.

He quickly undid his jeans and dropped them. Jesus’ eyes widened, if that were even possible, and Daryl stepped forward tentatively.

His eyes locked with Jesus’ and the younger man gave a slight nod, confirming it was indeed okay to let himself go.

Daryl closed his eyes and inhaled, then exhaled and jumped forward into the water.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one day? What the what? Well it’s Sunday and I guess I’m just excited for the new episode, so here you are my lovelies, enjoy.

The water was freezing, but Daryl didn’t care. It felt incredible. For the first time in a long time he felt something other than pain or guilt. He felt... free. His head popped up from below the water and he gasped.

“Fucking Christ!” He yelled, making Jesus laugh.

“I may have neglected to mention, it’s fucking freezing,” he smirked mischievously at Daryl.

“Prick,” he muttered then splashed at Jesus.

“Whoa whoa, unnecessary roughness!” then splashed him back. Daryl scowled at him, raising a hand ready to retaliate.

“Okay, okay, I surrender, my sincerest apologies, Mr Dixon.”

“Don’t call me that,” Daryl muttered.

“What? Your name?”

“No, ‘Mr Dixon’,” he looked away sadly.

“O-kay, but under one condition, if I’m calling you by your first name then you’re calling me by mine.”

Daryl scoffed, “no problem, never liked that silly nickname anyway.”

Jesus laughed, “to be honest, me neither. Paul will do just fine.”

Daryl gave a small smile, “Paul it is.”

“Okay Daryl, c’mon, let’s check out this waterfall,” Paul beamed at him.

“Whaddya mean? We’re already here?”

“Yeah, but that’s not the best part, you have to go underneath the waterfall,” he began wading over to where the water was crashing into the pool.

Daryl hesitated, “won’t it like, hurt us?”

Paul smiled and bit his tongue, not wanting to tease Daryl about his inexperience with one of the finer points ofnature. “No, it’ll be fine, I promise.”

 

Daryl followed him over slowly and waited about 5 feet from the bottom of the falls. It was much louder here but Paul smiled at him and held out his hand. Daryl took it nervously and allowed himself to be pulled under the rushing water. It felt like someone was dumping gallons and gallons of water over his head without stopping, but it didn’t hurt. It actually felt good to have the water pressure pouring down onto his back, and after a moment or two he was pulled back out by a grinning, soaking wet Paul who dragged him close.

Daryl felt overwhelmed, unable to catalogue his feelings, but didn’t pull away. Paul pulled him near, his eyes meeting Daryl’s before glancing at his lips.

“This is crazy,” Daryl murmured softly.

Paul grinned, “this is living,” then leaned in and kissed him softly.


	4. Chapter 4

For a moment Daryl didn’t know what to do, he stopped paddling for a second and began to sink only for Paul to put an arm around his waist and pull him back up.

“Whoa, don’t want you drowning on me,” he whispered.

“Sorry,” Daryl mumbled, unable to think of anything else to say.

Paul chuckled, “don’t be sorry. Is this... okay?” He looked a little nervous as he waited for Daryl to answer.

Daryl couldn’t think of any words to answer with, all he knew was that he felt more alive in the last five minutes than he had in the last five years.

“Yeah,” he whispered, nodding just a fraction, not trusting the word to actually come out.

Paul still looked a little concerned so Daryl slowly leaned in to kiss Paul, but waited just shy of any actual pressure, just touching his lips to the other man’s and breathing raggedly.

Paul smiled and tilted his head, giving Daryl a peck, then ghosting his tongue over Daryl’s lips making the older man gasp as a small shiver ran up his back.

“C’mon. Let’s get out of this water and get warmed up.” Paul grinned at him shyly. 

“Kay,” Daryl mumbled, not wanting to tell Paul the shiver had nothing to do with the cold. 

They climbed up onto the large rock where they’d left their clothes and Paul pulled two tightly rolled towels from his nap sack. 

“Planned this whole thing out, didja?” Daryl eyed the younger man skeptically.

Paul chuckled softly, “the swimming? Yes. The... moment... in the water? Couldn’t have planned that. Had no idea how you’d react to the waterfall. But I hoped that you’d like it.”

Paul handed him one of the towels and began drying himself off before finding a relatively flat rock to lay his towel on and sitting down on top of it.

Daryl toweled himself off quickly but watched as Paul stretched out as much as he could to dry out on the sunny rock.

Paul noticed him watching and smiled before patting the area next to him, “plenty of room, join me?”

Once again Daryl only nodded before following Paul’s lead. He awkwardly settled on top of his own towel beside Paul who sneaked his hand over to brush Daryl’s gently. 

Daryl glanced down at their hands then hesitantly joined their fingers. Paul smiled and studied Daryl’s face fondly.

“You really are incredibly handsome, you know that?”

Daryl blushed furiously, “stawp,” he mumbled weakly.

“What? You going to tell me you are somehow unaware of how good looking you are? Or has living so long without mirrors just made you forget?”

Daryl couldn’t meet his eyes. He didn’t know how to respond but he was pretty certain that Paul was being genuine, if only teasing him a little.

Paul rubbed his thumb over the back of Daryl’s hand soothingly, “hey,” he whispered.

Daryl looked up briefly to meet Paul’s eyes.

“What’s going on in there?” He was still watching Daryl intently but there was no urgency to the question. Paul just waited patiently for Daryl to finish processing and let him in.

“Dunno. Never woulda thought... I’d ever kiss someone like you...”

Paul smiled, “‘like me’ how? A man?”

“Nah,” Daryl shook his head minutely and looked away, “like... so... bright, ‘n good, dunno,” he looked embarrassed now as he struggled to find the words he was looking for. Finally Daryl just leaned over and rested his forehead against Paul’s, “you’re just so... good,” he murmured. 

Paul felt dizzy from the proximity as Daryl breathed soft puffs of air against his lips.

Finally Paul pressed forward and connected their lips in another soft kiss. Daryl pressed back almost immediately this time and then lifted his unoccupied hand to cup the side of Paul’s jaw. He surged into Paul’s mouth desperately, hoping to somehow put everything he was feeling into that kiss.

Paul let out a soft moan as Daryl slowly pushed him onto his back and hovered over him. Daryl pulled back to look at the younger man who smiled up at him dreamily.

Daryl smiled back fondly before Paul pulled him back down for another kiss and wrapped his arms around the older man’s shoulders. Daryl tensed for just a moment as Paul’s hand ran over one of his scars.

“It’s okay, Daryl, you’re okay,” he brought one hand back to cup Daryl’s cheek. “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to and I won’t ask.”

Daryl relaxed a little as Paul smoothed the tension from his shoulders gently and kissed him deeply. He could feel himself melting into Paul’s touch and feared he might lose himself to the sensation. He felt both vulnerable and somehow impervious to pain, as though Paul’s touch alone could heal whatever harm might befall him.

 

After what felt like moments or hours Daryl rested his forehead against Paul’s once again and panted softly to catch his breath.

Paul sighed, “wow,” then wrinkled his nose, “sorry, that sounds dumb, like I’m the lovestruck ingenue in some crappy movie.”

Daryl huffed out a laugh. He’d never heard that word before but was pretty sure he could figure it out by context. 

“We should prolly, uh,” Daryl croaked raspily then cleared his throat, “prolly see about some food er somethin’”

“Mm?” Paul looked dazed but caught up after a moment. “Oh, yeah, I brought a couple sandwiches on those rolls Mrs. Leeman makes.”

Daryl smirked and rolled over to flop back onto the rock as Paul got up to retrieve their lunch.

The ate their sandwiches quietly enjoying the sound of the rushing water behind them and the birds chirping above them.

It ended up being one of the nicest days Daryl could remember ever having, even before the world fell apart.


End file.
